Be Brave Enough to be Bad at Something New -Nicki

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So Asif wrote in his blog a couple of weeks ago about how his life is filled with new ventures that require bravery and the willingness to be bad at something while going through the process of learning to be good at it. Let me just say that I am the complete opposite - my life is filled with “safe,” calculated steps, taken very slowly and cautiously and I loathe going through the “learning curve” of trying something new. I would be content to stay in the same lane for the rest of my life to avoid the turmoil of trying something new!

But, thankfully, the universe doesn’t let me stay stuck in my default mode and I have been forced to face a number of new ventures and take terrifying risks in the process, all while stumbling and fumbling my way through the learning experience. And I can say that looking back, I am so grateful that I was forced to go through these scary journeys because I grew in ways I never imagined as a result. And I can say that I am a little braver now and a little less resistant to new things, although I still don’t go out looking for them. . . yet. 

As both Asif and Andrea’s stories centered around the studio, so does mine. I would say some of the scariest steps I’ve taken in my life have had to do with our photography business. So I’m going to tell you about the very beginning when we first bought the business - A Touch of Elegance Photography.

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“The picture I imagined was him running his own photography business and me staying at home with our baby, not involved with his business. . . ”

As you probably read in Asif’s post, the reason we got into photography in the first place was because of me. One day I just blurted out to Asif, “You should be a photographer!” And he, being the adventurous and brave guy that he is, actually took steps in that direction!! And before we knew it, we found ourselves moving forward with pursuing photography as a career and a business. However, at this point, I should say “we” lightly, because when I blurted those words out, the picture I imagined was him running his own photography business and me staying at home with our baby, not involved with his business. Additionally, I imagined him shooting weddings and portraits, you know, the normal kind of photography. I hadn’t ever even heard of boudoir photography!

So when things started happening that weren’t what I expected and most certainly weren’t what I had signed up for, I freaked out!! The first unexpected thing to happen was we quickly became aware of boudoir photography. In my mind it wasn’t even a discussion, how could we ever even consider the idea of him doing boudoir photography? But, again, he being far more open and adventurous than I, didn’t see it in such black and white terms as I did. While he didn’t pursue boudoir photography at first, it became clear that boudoir photography was pursuing him. I had to decide whether I was going to rethink my original perspective or remain closed to the idea. Thankfully I chose to allow a tiny sliver of openness in my heart and mind. And somehow that was enough. I was terrified and I told Asif how I felt. We had many conversations about it, and I did my best to stay open and not close up. And as we moved forward, the tiny sliver began to increase, to the point where I saw that I needed to make a decision, to get past the emotional turmoil of indecisiveness -do I open up completely or close up completely? I knew what I had to do, I knew that boudoir photography was bigger than us, that somehow it had been brought into our lives and it wasn’t going away soon. So I finally made the decision to open up completely, feeling terribly vulnerable and afraid of what could happen to me as a result, but knowing deep in my being that it was the best possible decision I could make at that time.

Well, moving forward, not long after that Asif found a photography business for sale in the village of Fairport - A Touch of Elegance Photography. It was absolutely insane for us to consider purchasing this business, but again, it seemed like somehow this was a divine connection being brought to us. So I began to imagine that this could be it - the end of boudoir photography because we were buying an established wedding and portrait business. Why would Asif need to do boudoir photography anymore? I also saw him running the entire business by himself and doing all the photography as the previous owner did. 

“It was absolutely insane for us to consider purchasing this business, but again, it seemed like somehow this was a divine connection being brought to us.”

As we moved forward with the purchase, the previous owner, Karen, asked Asif if he would do a boudoir photo session for her so she could give the pictures to her husband for Christmas. Asif said he would do it, but was nervous to be doing a boudoir session for an established photographer who was not only selling her business to him but also had agreed to mentor him for a year. I’m sure you’re not surprised to know that she absolutely loved the photos! And you know what she said to him? “Don’t you even think about giving up boudoir photography, you are very good at it and it will be your bread and butter!” Uugghh, when I heard that I thought, “Oh man, there goes my hope of being able to let go of boudoir photography. This is not turning out like I thought it would.” But, I had meant it when I said I would stay open to this so I worked through the disappointment and continued to keep my heart and mind open. 

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But those weren’t the only words Karen spoke that I didn’t want to hear. As she began the mentoring process with Asif, she was explaining to us how the business works and she just looked at me and said, “When you make calls to people, this is how you’ll need to do it. . . “I have no idea what she said after that because I was blown away that she just assumed that I would be making calls!! What?!? I didn’t sign up for this, no one had asked me, Asif was going to run this whole business by himself!! But she was so certain that I couldn’t even argue, and besides, I was so thrown off that I had no words to say anyway. So that was it, I didn’t have the time to process this, I was officially the “studio manager” without having any clue what that meant. 

On top of that, my first experience with sales and interacting with potential clients happened somewhat accidentally. The very first bridal show that we were going to be a part of with Karen, Asif actually couldn’t go because he had a previous commitment and needed to be in another state. So I had to go. I had never been to a bridal show in my life, not as a guest, and most certainly not as a vendor. To say that I was overwhelmed is an understatement. Karen was so excited, she had this energy and exhilaration like this was the highlight of her month. She quickly went over the pricing that I was supposed to tell people if they asked and I tried to memorize it. And then the show started. Brides and their groups swarmed to our booth and my original hopes of “hiding in the background” were dashed as I was asked questions over and over again. I felt extremely unprepared and clueless, terrified that they would ask me something I didn’t know about and I would look stupid when I didn’t have the answer. If Karen wasn’t already talking to someone else, I directed them her way, but she was often busy and I was forced to interact with brides. It was the longest 4 hours I’d experienced in a long time. When it was over, she gave me the forms that all the brides had filled out with their contact info and proceeded to tell me how to call them and what to say. What??? This wasn’t the end of this torture?? I had to call these very same people that I already felt stupid about interacting with and talk to them on the phone?? I simply said ok and hoped I wouldn’t cry right then and there. 

“So that was it, I didn’t have the time to process this, I was officially the “studio manager” without having any clue what that meant. ”

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My parents had been watching our baby while I was at the show and the plan was for us to go home with them and spend the night at their house since Asif was gone. Well, all the feelings from the show came out on the hour-long drive to my parents and the tears streamed down my face on that ride. I never wanted to feel that way again. I never wanted to go to another bridal show and I hoped that Asif would do every single one from that point on. 

“Well, all the feelings from the show came out on the hour-long drive to my parents and the tears streamed down my face on that ride. I never wanted to feel that way again.”

So in this instance, I cannot claim any sort of bravery, I felt forced into a situation that I didn’t want to be in and if I had been given the slightest option to run, I think I would have. But thankfully, I wasn’t given a choice. I had to go through this scary new territory to fill a role that I never would have signed up for and all that I can say to my own credit is that I didn’t give up. I didn’t run away. And the rest was just put before me to do - the phone calls, the sales appointments, the bridal shows, the assisting Asif for an occasional boudoir session, the culling through his images to pick the best ones for clients to see, the scheduling, the emailing, etc. etc. etc. I had no choice but to learn as I went and amazingly it didn’t take very long for me to get into a groove, for things to click. I began to feel like I was doing something so natural, so truly an expression of who I am, that by the time I went to my second bridal show, I literally felt the same level of energy and excitement that Karen had!! 

Fast forward to today, where not only do I feel completely confident in all those tasks that were put before me, I feel like I am the glue of the studio. I am the connection between our clients and our photographers, the one who has a pulse on the entire business as a whole, the one who thoroughly enjoys working with our team and our clients. When challenges come, I now approach them with energy and inspiration - excited about how I’m going to turn this situation around for good. I have confidence and passion in what I do and I am sooooooo grateful that I got forced into this. While this isn’t a path I ever would have chosen previously, I have learned that there is so much more to gain from the scary journeys, the risky ventures, the terrifying experiences. That is where deep growth occurs, where I am pushed beyond my perceived limitations and I actually discover parts of me I never knew were there. I now realize that the most dangerous thing for me is to play it safe. I stand to lose far more from clinging to what seems safe or doesn’t involve risk. I have gained so much from taking scary, terrifying steps.  Thank you, Asif, thank you, Karen, and thank you, God!! I’m a bit more ready for whatever the next venture maybe. . . 

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“I feel like I am the glue of the studio. I am the connection between our clients and our photographers, the one who has a pulse on the entire business as a whole, the one who thoroughly enjoys working with our team and our clients. ”

— Nicki