The empowered women of boudoir: helping each other shine
by Francesca Flansburg
“Girls compete with one another. Women empower each other.”
We don’t have to look a certain way to experience self-doubt and hyper-criticism. Those snarky things we say to ourselves have nothing to do with our true attributes or weaknesses, they don’t discriminate. Women of all shapes and sizes, women with various talents and abilities, we are all susceptible to being our own worst critics! The pressures on women to “do it all” are real: hold a job, do it well, raise a family, care for others, provide meals, household maintenance, look your best, strive for good health. Oh dear one, the list is literally endless. As Jill taught us in her blog post, The 7 Mean Girl Voices, we are often our own most vicious mean girl. So if we’re already tearing ourselves down, why do we women tear each other down too??Shouldn’t we be building each other up?
“May the light in your heart shine bright for the world to see. May the kindness you share inspire others to do the same”
Recently, I stumbled on a simple, but profoundly beautiful, concept. It’s called Shine Theory. The name says it all…the general idea is that I shine brighter when YOU shine as well. And so, I bring intention to the act of building up those around me and those I encounter along the way. As a result, we ALL benefit.
Anne Friedman writes about Shine Theory in her article, Why Powerful Women Make the Greatest Friends. She says, “When you meet a woman who is intimidatingly witty, stylish, beautiful, and professionally accomplished, befriend her.”
I am reminded of a recent interaction I had in the ladies room of a local nightclub (of all places, LOL). As I washed my hands, a stunning mature woman stood nearby lamenting about being newly widowed and having to find herself again. Another lovely lady began to comfort her…and I could not help myself…I had to chime in ( of course, I ended up singing the praises of boudoir and how her own shoot would be life-changing). It may sound insignificant, but stopping to celebrate this woman and build her up in that moment felt important. You know what else? I feel more beautiful when I’m complimenting another woman and elevating her unique beauty. It doesn’t actually feel good to tear someone else down. Ever notice that???
So why would women tear each other down? It happens all the time! There’s this misperception that we’re in competition with each other. But what are we competing for? Whatever it is, there is actually plenty to go around! Because if “it” is for you, then go and get it! And if it’s not for you, let it be for someone else, knowing that it wasn’t really meant for you after all. More than that, when a woman throws shade, she is most likely expressing her own jealousies and insecurities. Hey - it happens. Those hurtful words we aim at others are usually a representation of our own inner critic. They don’t actually have anything to do with the intended target! Bottom line? Hurt people hurt people. When a woman hurts another woman, she probably desperately needs someone to help build her up (annndddd she needs her own BSNY photo shoot!!!). Your best course of action if and when someone tears you down? Throw some compassion back at her, hope it sticks, and go on your merry, empowered way.
“Here’s to strong women. May we know them. May we be them. May we raise them.”
“Well-behaved women rarely make history.”
So, I may be biased, but…what better way to show up for the radiant women in your life than to encourage them to pursue their own boudoir experience? Even better, gather your girls and do it together! I mean…schedule separate sessions because your shoot needs to be about your unique attributes and individual style. But, find a brave soul or two and go through the process together. Be each others’ biggest cheerleader. There are many Benefits of Having Your Tribe. If you know a woman who has expressed interest in experiencing their own shoot (ahem…my friends know who they are!), be the reason they take that brave step toward experiencing their own amazing journey. Help them SHINE and shine brighter yourself as a result!
“As we work to create light for others, we naturally light our own way.””
