Roles Reversed: Being In Front of the Camera Again
Roles Reversed:
Being In Front of the Camera Again
By Andrea
One of the most common things I hear from my clients is something along the lines of:
“I am excited…but so nervous!”
Believe it or not, I completely get it! I too, have had my own experience with the nerves and concerns that lead up to a boudoir session, more than one time!!
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About a month ago. . .
I was reminded exactly of what all those pre-session feelings feel like. But before I explain that, I want to share a little back story with everyone who may not know. As a boudoir photographer I get asked all the time “How did you start doing this?” While there is a whole long story to that answer (which I will happily share with you all someday), the part I want to mention today is the part where I did THREE sessions with Asif before I started working at the studio. Three sessions!!! The first being a 6 outfit session, followed by an “I have an awesome idea, let’s do it!” session, and the third being a bridal session.
Obviously I was hooked and decided that since I loved being here as a client, a job here must be equally as awesome! ( P.S. It totally is!) So I reached out to Asif, the universe all aligned, and I began working at the studio! At this point I have spent the last 5 years in the world of boudoir, assisting, photographing, editing, business building. . . you name it.
In this setting I have found my happy place, a job that feels more like a hobby than going to work. I have now worked with more women than I can count. Of course I am their photographer, but I have a bigger role than that. I am also there to be part of the journey, to act as a coach from the moment they book to the moment they see their images.
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SO now to get to the real reason I am writing this blog:
I mentioned before that I had done 3 sessions before coming on board with the team. . . in actuality I have done 4 sessions, with my 4th being just a month ago!
“ Then it all hit me: Like, ok, wait am I really doing this? Am I really going to be on the other side of the camera again?”
You would probably think, “She’s got this, 4th session, spends her days helping other women through the nerves and excitement, she could probably coach herself through posing, this will be easy!” And honestly, when I had the idea to do another session I thought that’s how I would feel too! In fact I did feel that way UNTIL about a week before the session. Then it all hit me: “Like, ok, wait am I really doing this? Am I really going to be on the other side of the camera again?” The nerves kicked in! I had no idea what to wear, I was pretty confident that I had no idea how to pose, was also pretty sure that the morning of my session I was probably going to wake up with some unexplained hives all over because, well, why not add that to the list of things to worry about.
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Then my husband. . .
(while I love him deeply and I know his intentions were good) totally missed the point of my pre-session fashion show. . . the last minute fashion show that happened because I all of a sudden panicked and had no idea what to wear! More background story here: see I have a HUGE tote of lingerie because I used to work at Victoria’s Secret, but none of it has been worn for about 3 years 8 months, to be exact. How do I know this number? My oldest will be 3 soon. Can you do the math there? (#momlife idk, Haha!) So I get this tote out plus a couple of new items I bought just in case nothing in the tote would work. I start trying them on for my dear husband and, while sometimes I want him to be a critic, sometimes I just need a husband response! This time I just needed a husband response but he thought I was looking for a critic. I thought he was a mind reader and just knew what I was thinking. . . No?! That’s not how it works?
Well, while I didn’t get the exact response I wanted, I was feeling much better about outfit choices, so I guess it all worked out. And he did feel bad after and told me that he thought I was looking more for a critic’s response. So we made it through that and I went to bed knowing I had a packed morning. Of course, I still wasn’t in the clear, there was still a chance I could wake up covered in hives.
That morning came. . .
and no, I didn’t wake up with hives. In fact I even made it out the door on time, and got my kids dropped off at my parents house without an issue. I finally felt, for the first time in a week, some of those nerves dissipate.
As I walked into the venue, excitement started to overtake the nerves. We were shooting in this amazing loft in Macedon and it was beautiful! I started having visions of what my images would look like and how they would be entirely different than any of my previous sessions. I still couldn’t shake some of my nerves though. I’m not sure why, I guess it just truly is part of the process, no matter how many times you do it.
“It reminded me from the other side why I love my job: the excitement I was feeling, the way I felt on top of the world! ”
So Asif and I went over outfits to decide what would look best where, and even though it was me he was working with, he still was completely respectful of my nerves. We almost handled it as though I was just a client. We talked about my comfort level and the style of images I was hoping for and he reassured me that he would still coach me through posing. So I changed into my first outfit and we got started! Within about 15 minutes I was no longer nervous at all! It all started coming back to me - why I kept returning as a client time and time again. It reminded me from the other side why I love my job: the excitement I was feeling, the way I felt on top of the world!
I have had two kids. . .
19 months apart - both c-sections - and I am now just over 1 year postpartum. My body has changed since the last time I was on that side of the camera. BUT, honestly, that didn’t even matter, I wasn’t even thinking about all that. I was thinking that I feel like a woman right now with no other title attached. Yes, I am a wife and a mother and I feel those titles on me - Every. Single. Day. But I honestly couldn’t tell you before that moment the last time I just simply felt like a strong, independent, and empowered woman. I didn’t realize how badly I needed that reminder till I was in that moment.
“But I honestly couldn’t tell you before that moment the last time I just simply felt like a strong, independent, and empowered woman. I didn’t realize how badly I needed that reminder till I was in that moment. ”
My images this time around are for me. While, of course, my husband loves them, I think he knows (here we go with the mind reading again!) that these images and how I feel toward them are different. They’re not for him, they are for me; they’re my reminder that I am still that strong, independent woman.