Learning to Love my Mom Bod
Learning to Love my Mom Bod
By Jill
If someone were to ask you to give up your children so that you can have your pre-baby body back (most days) your answer would be no. So here you are with no other choice but to accept your mom bod. Whether you are pregnant now, had a baby recently or three years ago, your body will never be the same! I am currently struggling with body image issues as I am now pregnant with my 2nd child. All the feelings of inadequacy have already rushed back even though I am barely halfway through pregnancy #2. So what better way to refresh my mind by reminding you and I to love our mom bods!?
“I throw my hands in the air and tell him, “that’s it! put me in a medically induced coma and wake me up when the baby is born””
The Crisis
I want you to picture this scene. . . here I am, 21 weeks pregnant. It is exactly 3 days before I have to attend a wedding and I lucked out with my last pregnancy by not having to buy a special occasion maternity dress. So I HAVE to go dress shopping. I hate trying on clothes when I am pregnant and I know that I can’t be the only one. I bought two online that looked adorable on these models but look downright horrific in person. I am hormonally weeping to my husband that I still have 4 months to go and I am too small to look right in maternity dresses and yet, too big to fit in any of my other dresses. He compassionately takes out every single dress I own and makes me try them on. “Surely you are being too hard on yourself, Jill,” he tells me. We spend half an hour trying to fit my disproportionate body into everything adorable that I own. I throw my hands in the air and tell him, “That's it! Put me in a medically induced coma and wake me up when the baby is born.” Instead of fulfilling my wishes, I went out to buy a large pizza and then he took me to the mall to go shopping.
Maybe it’s an unpopular opinion, but I am just not a fan of being pregnant. I love receiving the precious little baby at the end of it all. . . but that’s pretty much it.
Evolving into the Mom Bod
Pregnancy is in an incredible feat and some would say that it is a miracle! Indeed, your body will just never be the same. What shocks me the most, the second time around is how different the changes to your body can be. When I was pregnant with my daughter, my bump popped out so much later. It’s so hard not to compare! My hair had so much more volume, I worked full time between 2 jobs and overall I was so much more active (not to be confused with exercising). I did end up having the line of nigra on my stomach; however, it was covered with my shirt so I did not have to be reminded of it ALL the time.
“ That adorable baby bump I couldn’t wait for when I was pregnant with my first appeared almost as soon as the 2 lines on the pregnancy test appeared. ”
This time around, I am exhausted all the time. It may be because I have to keep up with a 3 year old 24/7 but when does that 2nd-trimester energy start?! My belly button is already 3/4 of the way popped and I have been blessed with the pregnancy mask framing my forehead (insert eye-roll here). What I am most disappointed about is the fact that I already look 9 months pregnant. That adorable baby bump I couldn’t wait for when I was pregnant with my first appeared almost as soon as the 2 lines on the pregnancy test appeared with my second. My lovely doctor tells me that all of this is normal.
Arriving at your destination
It’s hilarious that what is so very odd and alien-like is considered normal in pregnancy, delivery and postpartum. I remember 13 weeks after having my daughter I went to see my doctor and told her that I was still bleeding. She tells me, “Jill, this is perfectly normal. I am not concerned at all.” My jaw hit the floor as I quite frankly told her, “13 weeks. . . I feel like I should’ve bled to death by now!” I had this unrealistic expectation that my body would be “normal” by then but apparently, this was the new normal. The 4th trimester often refers to the baby adjusting to life outside of the womb and we are so quick to shift our views away from our bodies and on to caring for our new babies. However, our bodies are also going through yet another great transition.
With my first, I dropped the baby weight in 6 months. I was so proud of myself. In reality, I had much bigger problems. I have a long history of not having the best reactions to birth control and after having my daughter, I knew I did not want to have another one on the way immediately after her. (Check out the story of how I met my now-husband and had a baby in the first year of knowing him here.) So I took my doctors advice and chose the non-hormonal birth control, the Mirena, and went on with my life. I was breastfeeding and trying to adjust to the new normal of my life without the risk of getting pregnant. I was struggling with postpartum depression, I had new food aversions and reactions. I found that I could not keep anything down and if I did. . . it would immediately evacuate from the other end. Six months later, I was on a gluten-free diet, a vegetarian diet and even went as far as being a vegan. It was out of pure necessity and not by choice. Some days, I would have to chug a Coke-a-Cola to keep myself from throwing up. So my body was essentially starving itself while I was also burning through my fat calories by breastfeeding.
“My husband was holding back my hair and by the time I caught my breath I finally told him, “something is not right with me!” ”
It all came crumbling down when I was in California, visiting my brother with my now-husband, a 6-month-old and my mother. I had a half piece of pizza, a glass of wine and I threw up in the bushes of the parking lot hotel. My husband was holding back my hair and by the time I caught my breath I finally told him, “Something is not right with me!” All the doctors would tell me that all these things were “normal” but I could just not accept this. My body looked “good” but I was depressed, physically ill and could not come to terms that this is my new normal. When I arrived home, I demanded that they take out my birth control because I was desperate to find a cause to my stomach and digestive issues. After having to get a second opinion, the Mirena was removed and all of my stomach issues went away within a week. By then, my milk supply had essentially dried up because naturally, I had nothing left to nourish it anymore but I finally had my sanity back. An eye for an eye I suppose.
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Embracing the New Normal
“There is no “going back” to anything. You are only moving forward and further evolving.”
Stop comparing yourself to other moms. I don’t know how our culture has given women this expectation to “bounce back” from having a baby but let me tell you. They are all big liar faces. There is no such thing as bouncing back and if they really are. . . I now suspect that it is happening in an unhealthy way. It takes 9 months to grow this baby and it should take at the very least 9 months to get somewhere manageable. However, every body is different, every pregnancy is different and no woman should feel like they need to be at any amount of weight or pants size by any disclosed amount of time! There is no “going back” to anything. You are only moving forward and further evolving. (Throw those jeans you’ve been saving away!)
Forgive yourself. You need time to allow your body to heal, maybe you’re like me and have been bleeding for so long that you think you should be dead (I was told anything past 15 weeks is concerning btw). During pregnancy, we are literally growing a new organ and our hearts are pumping 50% more blood. For some of us, our breasts have an important job to do after pregnancy, it keeps that brand new baby alive! Go easy on yourself and know that there will be a time in the future when you can work out and eat right. This may be years from the time you give birth, but hang in there!
“Every body is different, every pregnancy is different and no woman should feel like they need to be at any amount of weight or pants size by any disclosed amount of time!”
Accept yourself. Like my doctor told me, this is all normal. In fact, this is your new normal. With all that being said, don’t accept everything at face value. Accepting yourself also comes with being your own best advocate and when something doesn’t feel right, talk to your doctor, demand solutions and shout it from the rooftops if you need to. Part of becoming a mother is becoming that “mama bear.” Trust your instincts and love your new mom bod and persona. Most importantly, you would never give back your kids to have that “pre-baby body” so you need to accept your body for all the little heartbeats it has created for you. . . another eye for an eye I suppose.
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