Mom Self Care- What is that... does it even exist?

Mom Self Care- What is that. . . does it even exist?

By Andrea, Nicki & Jill

Back to school season is here! You may be wrapped up in the hustle and bustle of scavenger hunting for school supplies and adapting to new routines. During this season, quite often a mom’s sanity is forgotten on the back burner. If you were to ask yourself, what do you do to take care of yourself -emotionally, physically and spiritually, what would be your answer?

I can already tell that you are drawing a blank.

This week, all the moms at The Boudoir Studio reflect on our own self-care routines to help remind you to, well… take care of yourself!

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Andrea:

So I want to start by setting up the scene for when I was first asked to write my portion for this blog…it was literally 7:45 pm ( felt like midnight), we were in a team meeting, I was wearing a hoodie, my favorite sweat pants and filling up on mini candy bars in hopes a little sugar would give me a little burst of energy. Then the blog question was posed “What do you do for self-care?” I looked up mid-bite and semi laughed, like, “Self-care what is that? Do I do that? Do I have time for that? Does washing my face before bed count?” Because like that doesn’t happen often (guilty, sorry former 20-year-old me who swore I would never be “that” person). Ok, so I went home from that meeting, went straight to bed and gave myself a fresh start on thinking about this question, also taking it a little more seriously. So I really thought about it.

Truthfully it is really hard for me to practice any of those self-care things that people naturally give as their example. Realizing this (and trust me, this isn’t the first time I have reflected on it), it made me feel a little defeated. That maybe that's why I am exhausted at 7:30 pm and my hair hasn’t seen anything other than a ponytail in months and I live in leggings and a sports bra. Then I stopped myself…. And was like no… even if I went and got a weekly massage, meditated every night and got my hair done every month I would STILL be exhausted by the end of the day, I would still be wearing leggings annnnd with the exception of the day of and day after your hair appointment when the hairdresser works her magic and makes your hair look perfect with just a brush and blow dryer, my hair would still be in a ponytail every other day.

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So after getting rid of the negative thoughts, I realized, well the main reason I am in leggings and a sports bra every day and my hair is in a ponytail is because at least 5 out of 7 days a week after kids are up and we do breakfast I take 30-60 minutes and get a workout in! During this time my kids dump every toy they own out onto the floor, they sit on me every time I do any exercise that involves me laying on the floor, and my 30 second rests look more like how fast can I refill their sippy cups or clean up the spill because someone got their spill-proof cup open. With the exception of a few catastrophic days, I push forward and do my workout. When I finish ,I feel so much better, so accomplished, and truthfully an all-around more pleasant person.

So yeah my self-care doesn’t involve me leaving the house, it isn’t kid-free, it isn’t a special outing, and it is far from silent and peaceful. But I get to do it every day. I don’t need to make special childcare arrangements or stress out about how much is this going to cost me, or get frustrated when I am interrupted. What's most important to me and outweighs a lot is that every single day I get to have the satisfaction of knowing I did something that was just for me. So, for now, I’ll continue to daydream about massages and only get my hair done twice a year. I’ll also totally continue to sleep in till 15 minutes before my kids get up. Because I know what you’re all thinking. “Just wake up before your kids and then you could work out in peace without interruptions”…Remember that part where it’s 7:45 pm and I am exhausted… I need my sleep, I need my kids to sleep through the night, and really I just need them to not have this 6th sense that knows when I wake up early. The few times I have been motivated to get up early, I get up, I am super pumped ready to go and what do I hear? A door open, “Mama, I am awake!” Like really kid????? You normally sleep for 2 more hours WHY ARE YOU UP ??????? Well, your brother’s up now too. Looks like we're all starting our day early, yet for some reason you will still all go to bed at the same normal time as always.

Nicki:

So this is an interesting time to be asked about my self-care. The last several weeks, in particular, have been so crazy that I would consider "drinking enough water every day" to be my level of self-care, lol!! (I wish I were joking!!). August and September are 2 of our busiest months at the studio so it would just make sense that we pick those 2 months to move our family of 6 people and 2 dogs from Macedon to Fairport AND paint and renovate the studio. Add to that the fact that I homeschool 3 of our 4 kiddos and, even with extending our first day of school to Monday the 9th, I still don't feel anywhere near ready to start teaching! So when Jill asked us to write about our self-care, my mind was blank at first! I got nothing!!

However, it dawned on me as I was looking in the mirror this morning: eyebrows. My level of current self-care can be assessed by the condition of my eyebrows. I choose to pluck my own, one little hair at a time, squinting at the mirror and adjusting angles to make sure I don't miss a straggler. I have been plucking my brows since I was 14. It's actually therapeutic for me! It's one of those times when I can focus on something that is just for me and I love seeing the end result. Well, right now I'm bordering on a unibrow because of the current craziness. . . So I've wracked my brain to remember a time when I had beautifully sculpted brows so I can share something useful! Here's what I remember:

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My favorite type of self-care was waking up before my kids woke up so I could start my day with "me" time. They wake up at 6am so I had to get up pretty early, but it was totally worth it. Before August hit, I was in a pretty regular routine of waking up at 4 am to go to the gym, shower, and spend some time journaling/praying/meditating/reading. I am craving the ability to get back to that again! On the days I was able to keep this routine, I felt so much more energized and had a positive attitude throughout the day. It was hard to wake up that early sometimes but I reminded myself that it was so worth it. I got to take care of me first and it gave me what I needed to better take care of everyone else. Not to mention, my eyebrows looked great!

Jill:

The best way that I practice self-care is any way to turn off my brain. It sounds simple enough on paper, however, to actually clear my mind is an incredible feat. I am prone to overthinking, over-analyzing, thinking of different scenarios and outcomes that it is absolutely exhausting! Being a mom is so much more than taking care of the kids. Most moms are making mental notes to take care of the family schedule, the household chores and trying to remember to the oddball things like picking up new toothbrushes for the family and not forgetting to get stamps the next time you drive by the post office.

I was first introduced to meditation through a few classes in college. I found it to be very difficult to practice, however, the benefits seemed to be worth it. I’ve tried sitting down, laying down, guided, candlelight, in the dark, in nature. My stress management class and emotional wellness class was always bugging me to practice meditation. It wasn’t until I had received a gift from my husband to the Bodymind Float Center in Rochester, NY, that I successfully meditated.

According to the BodyMind Float Center, float therapy involves submerging yourself into 10 inches of warm water that has 800 pounds of pharmaceutical-grade Epsom salt. You are in a dark room, that is quiet which is an almost complete sensory deprivation. Because there is so much salt in the water, you float effortlessly. I was scheduled for an hour and a half float this particular day. I walk into the private cathedral room (which is big enough for couple floats). There is a shower stall, towels and everything you would need to take some time to yourself. I will be honest to say that I was really excited to take a shower before floating, by myself with no interruptions! After my probably abnormally long shower, I hopped into the float tank and turned off the lights. I panicked and promptly turned the lights back on. (Hello dark water fears! lol). I got settled in and became acclimated at the convenient light switch within the tub and decided that 10 inches of water was not scary to me. I closed my eyes and turned off the lights again.

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Okay, 90 minutes to myself in this dark room with no phone, no kids, no disruptions was really unsettling to me. What do I do with myself? How much time is left? Why is this so long? What will I make for dinner tonight? All these thoughts were racing around my head when I realized that there was no option but to meditate. “Clear your mind, Jill.” I allowed my overthinking to continue until there was nothing left to think about.

I had achieved silence. From the outside and from within.

I have never been more aware of my breathing and the sound of my heartbeat until this moment. Before I knew it, soft music started playing to alert me that my float was coming to an end. I showered again, to rid the salt on my skin (which left it incredibly soft) and left the float center lighter than I have been in a long time. Truth be told, I was looking forward to getting back to the reality of the noisy household and my mind chatter but I felt as though my patience tank was refilled and my stress tank was depleted.

When I can’t make it to the BodyMind Float Center, my daily self-care routine is to take my showers. It seems so simple but I cannot hear any of the household noise, I focus on the hot water and try to keep my mind clear of from what I will be making for dinner that night. 15 (sometimes 30) minutes of peace.

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Self-care can be as complex or simple as you can make it. It is important that you find some time for yourself where you can refuel and continue caring for your family. As your schedules and routines are naturally rearranging this time of year, be sure to schedule some time for yourself. If you are interested in trying out a salt float, the Bodymind Float Center is generously giving our readers 10% off your float just by mentioning The Boudoir Studio (offer expires 10/31/19). Check out their website for more information www.bodymindfloatcenter.com .