The 7 Mean Girl Voices
Have you met your inner mean girl?
You may confuse her with your everyday thoughts. One second you may be walking through the grocery store trying to meal plan for the next week. . . then, all of a sudden, a rogue thought crosses your mind.
Perhaps something triggers it. . . some kind of feeling of inadequacy that sends you into a complete tail spin. You may even start cringing about things that happened decades ago!
Heyyyyy, you’ve already met your inner critic, your ego. . . we like to call it your inner mean girl.
And let-me-tell-you.
I did a complete deep dive into this subject and found that there is not just 1 mean girl, but 7! So hey, I am going to cut right to the chase and tell you that I first thought my mean girl was the perfectionist. It’s the voice in my head that I am still trying to be okay with. . . and honestly, kids have made it nearly impossible to hold a perfectionist lifestyle which has led to some personal growth for me. So, I’m thinking it is safe to assume that different experiences in our lives can potentially push us outside of our comfort zones so we can grow! After looking deeply into the different types of mean girls that exist, I realize that the perfectionist isn’t the only voice speaking to me. . . there are MANY of these mean girls chiming in through the voice inside my head.
Many of The Boudoir Studio clients also speak of that voice inside their head.
The voice of doubt that tries to convince them that they’re not worth it.
Literally whispering, “What were you thinking?”
Can you imagine if it was actually a group of mean girls and not just one, voicing their opinions inside your head?. . . Yikes!
So tell us, which mean girl gets the most air time in your mind?
1. The Perfectionist
This mean girl wants you to do everything perfectly. Portray the picture of a perfect family, lifestyle, social media, or golden child. Striving for the metaphorical A+ in life. The standards are high and she makes it very difficult for you to finish anything without it being the absolute best representation of your work. At the same time, she urges you to blend and fit in to avoid rejection. . . my goodness, make sure everyone likes you!!!
Don’t you dare question this mean girl because she has a spiral notebook chock-full of every reason why she does what she does.
2. The Controller/The Indulger
This mean girl wants to simultaneously control your impulses and indulge them, making you feel a bit crazy.
Whether it’s eating, drinking, smoking, sexual activity, or [Pick your poison here], she begs you to fill the void and bandaid the situation. This mean girl is sneaky, she will bait you with the feel-good-emotions only to reveal that she is, in reality, two-faced. She will keep your attention away from the fact that you are obsessed with protecting your impulses because it’s one of the only places you have power. One moment she tells you to indulge because you deserve it, only to later tear you down with guilt and regret. . . because you deserve it. She works under the guise that she is just trying to protect YOU from yourself, even going so far as to convince you that these vices will help you be a better person.
3. The Task Master
This mean girl pushes you to work hard and be successful. She will scrutinize your short-comings, giving you the fear of being mediocre or lazy. It doesn’t even matter if you win your goals because you keep raising the bar that you must meet again and again. You feel the haze of judgement and deeply fear failure, sometimes to the point of denial. On the flip side, this mean girl may cause you to procrastinate to rebel against harsh rules and deadlines, on one hand convincing you that you have enough time, only to later shame you for not knowing better.
4. The Underminer
We see this mean girl often here at BSNY. She is the one who undermines your self-confidence and self-esteem so you become hesitant about taking risks. She is bold enough to make direct attacks on your self-worth so that you can stay small and not take chances. She reminds you that you hate to be hurt and rejected. Often times she will make you relive all the moments where she has been criticized to show you that you cannot trust anyone ever again.
5. The Nuke Bomber
This mean girl is a product of your inner wars. She will persuasively attack your self worth. This chick honestly takes it a step further than the “underminer;” she will shame you to the point where you will feel inherently flawed and not entitled to basic respect. Professionals would say that this inner destroyer critic is the most debilitating critic as she has produced a trauma based narrative that convinces you that it is safer not to exist. To dim and not shine.
6. The Guilt Tripper
This mean girl keeps you trapped in the past. She will never let you forget or forgive the people you have hurt or have been hurt by. She is very concerned about your relationships and holds you to community and cultural standards. You may think she means well by preventing you from recreating past mistakes... but, with her you will never move on or feel free again.
7. The Conformist
This mean girl is the maker, keeper, and stocker of “the box” in which you must fit in. It does not matter how you measure up, she will continually push you to fit into society standards so that your peers can admire you. You believe she is trying to protect you by making sure you “fit in.” I mean your worst fear is to be abandoned on the side of the road without your box, right?! This mean girl is really afraid that your rebel spirit will act in ways that could be unacceptable, convincing you that your true being is unnatural.
So I ask again, which mean girl gets the most air time in your mind?
Whether it be the voice of one predominant mean girl or a chorus of multiple mean girls inside your head, the real question is: how long will you be ok with this army of mean girls stealing your power, dimming your light and hushing your true voice?
Before you answer the question I want to share a poem with you. It’s called “Our Deepest Fear” by Marriane Williamson from her book “A Return to Love.” Do me a favor would you? Let me know in the comments below, what you plan on doing with your inner mean girl(s).
Our Deepest Fear
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves : Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us; It's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
So. . . Who Speaks To You?
Let’s chat about your inner mean girls on your 15 minute Discovery Call: