Dying to Live
by Nicki Ali
“Maybe the journey isn’t about becoming anything.
Maybe it’s about unbecoming everything that isn’t really you, so that you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.”
I recently heard a story told by Wayne Dyer on a YouTube video that really got me thinking, here is the story:
There was a wealthy trader who lived in India and often traveled to Africa to find exotic things and bring them home with him. On one trip he saw a beautiful parrot in the wild. He hired someone to catch the parrot and brought his new pet home to India. The man loved this parrot, placing it in a golden cage, feeding it the best quality food, and doting on it every chance he got.
The time came for the man to take another trip to Africa and he was hoping to return to the area where he had found his parrot, so he asked the parrot if it had a message to say to its friends and family back home.
The parrot said, “Tell them I am very much enjoying my life here in a cage. I am well treated and well loved.”
The trader repeated the message back to the parrot to make sure he got it right and then headed out for his trip. He did end up seeing the parrot’s friends and family and so he told them that their friend parrot in India had a message for them.
He relayed the parrot’s words: “I am very much enjoying my life here in a cage. I am well treated and well loved.” As soon as he finished, one of the parrots let out a big gasp and immediately fell over dead.
The man was shocked and saddened. He didn’t expect such a response to the good message the parrot had asked him to share. He guessed that the parrot must’ve been a close friend or family member and died from sadness upon hearing that his friend wasn’t returning home.
Feeling so bad about this, the man decided that he would tell the parrot back home so that it would know how much it was loved by that parrot. So when he returned, he did just that. The moment he finished telling his pet the story, the parrot let out a big gasp and immediately fell down dead in his cage.
The man was devastated! Now he felt responsible for the deaths of two beautiful parrots, one whom he loved dearly. He thought that the same thing must’ve happened, that when his parrot heard of the other’s death, he was too sad to continue living and died.
With tears streaming down his face, the man took down the cage and headed outside to find a place to bury his dear pet’s body. As soon as he opened the cage to get the body out, the parrot flew away and landed in a nearby tree!
The man was shocked! He asked the parrot, “What happened? Why did you fake your death?”
The parrot answered, “My friend back in Africa told me what to do in order to get back home.”
“What did he tell you?”, the man asked.
“He told me that if I wanted to escape my cage, I must die while I am alive.” And the parrot flew off, heading to Africa.
If I want to escape my cage, I must die while I am alive.
This resonated deeply with me. The concept of going through death portals to experience new birth has been pretty relevant to me for about a year now. I know the scary feeling of dying while I’m alive, and I know how fucking glorious it feels like to escape the cage I was in.
However, there is a very different concept of dying to myself that has been a part of my life pretty much since birth. This type of dying to myself was the kind I was taught by religion - that in order to be truly good and righteous, I had to die to every evil part of me, no matter how much it hurt. This type of dying to myself required me to reject real parts of myself because they weren’t pure or good by the religion’s definition. It required me to disconnect from my true self, and I never felt like I was freed from a cage, all the while telling myself I was free.
That is not what this story is about. This story is about the kind of death that sheds what isn’t truly us, like the cage the parrot was in. He was a wild bird, meant to be free to come and go as he pleased. The cage had been added on, it wasn’t truly a part of him. So as he died while he was alive, he left behind what wasn’t truly him and emerged as himself, completely free.
Now the truth is, dying while you’re alive is utterly terrifying! It really does feel like death. That bird had everything he needed in that cage - food that came every day, companionship with the trader, safety from predators.
He could have easily talked himself into staying. He could have easily decided that it wasn’t worth the risk, who knows if he would even make it in the wild? He could have chosen to stay alive in his cage. . . but instead he made the scary choice, the dangerous choice, the choice to leave behind the safety and comfort of his cage in order to be truly free.
This gets my heart racing with excitement, I’ve done this! I’ve been in my super comfy and cozy cage, but I’ve also chosen to die while I was alive and I’ve come out into wide open spaces. It was terrifying!! I truly wasn’t sure if I would survive.
But to be able to spread my wings and fly for the first time was WORTH. IT. ALL.
And life will continue to bring me opportunities to escape more cages by dying while I’m alive. I hope I continue to choose freedom each time.
And now to tie this into boudoir - for many women, doing a boudoir shoot is a way to die while you’re alive, to let go of the cage you’ve been in, to bravely risk that comfortable cage to experience the thrill of flying. It’s so worth it!!
If this resonates with you, please don’t hesitate to schedule your discovery call. Remember, that parrot could’ve convinced himself to stay. Don’t give yourself the time to convince yourself otherwise, it’s time to die while you’re alive so you can escape your cage.
“Maybe the journey isn’t about becoming anything.
Maybe it’s about unbecoming everything that isn’t really you, so that you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.”
