By Asif

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“Be brave enough to be bad at something new!”

Last week you read Andrea’s story on being brave enough to be bad at something new. Our whole team was so inspired by her post that we all decided to write a post on the topic, journaling a time in our own lives where we had to dare to be bad at something new in order to be good at it. I have so many stories that I could share with you as I feel like I am constantly embarking on new journeys where I must suffer crawling before I can start walking. For example, deciding to leave the comfort of my family and country at the age of 12, being an only child, to migrate to the land of opportunity. I could tell you the story of falling in love with a beautiful girl at 18 and grappling with how I could convince her to a lifetime of “I do” with me as I was certain she was my soul mate. Today, she is still the greatest love of my life, the mother of our 4 beautiful children and my wife of 19 years! While these are both amazing stories, among plenty more, I figured the most appropriate for this blog might be the story of how I dared to be bad at being a good boudoir photographer!

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Almost exactly 10 years go, Nicki was a month away from giving birth to our first baby. We were in the car and she looked over at me and said, “I really want to be a stay-at-home mom.” Things were tight financially to begin with so with a small drop of sweat sliding down my forehead, I looked at her and asked, “How do you see that happening?” Call it a moment of divine inspiration as she, without any hesitation, looked me straight in the eyes and said, “Why don’t you become a photographer?” Her words cut right to my heart and I said “Ok.” I had always dreamt of being my own boss and building my own business, had even attempted a few times and failed. I had been interested in photography before and was doing graphic design work at the time so it kind of made sense. Kind of.

As I mentioned before, things were tight so like many budding entrepreneurs I made the dreaded phone call to my mom to see if she would let me borrow the money I needed to purchase a professional camera. What made me dread the call was the fact that this was not my first venture into entrepreneurship and my mom would definitely call me out on it. Long story short, I was able to convince her to lend me the money. I found the camera and placed my amazon order. Next came the endless search for work which ironically led me to a classified ad for photographers with their own cameras and the ability to help people feel comfortable. “I can do that,” I said to myself, and submitted my interest in learning more. I was a bit shocked when I got a response back from the owner of a boudoir photography studio. I had never heard of such a thing! Is this legit? Is it porn? Can people make a career out of this? Could I? Would it be sinful for me to even consider this since I’ve been a Christian minister up until that point? Is this morally wrong?

I am an extremely curious person. It’s better for me to never know something than to become aware of it and try to ignore or forget it. My curiosity, along with the desperation of our situation got to me. I replied back to the lady asking for more info on the job. While on the phone, we seemed to hit it off and scheduled an in-person meeting to discuss the next steps. All the while Nicki and I had several heated discussions about the topic of boudoir. Call it destiny, or my purpose knocking on my door, but everything right at that moment in our lives seemed to begin pointing us in the direction of boudoir photography. The blogs I was following, the magazines I was reading, the photographers I was looking up to, ALL seemed to have turned their focus on boudoir, seemingly overnight! So we decided to at least look into it. Mind you I still don’t have my photography equipment yet. I told the lady I just ordered brand new camera and lighting gear which should arrive next week to skirt around the question of what equipment I currently owned.

One of my life mottos at the time was to say yes first and then figure it out second. Hence, I scheduled the interview. What she was offering me for pay was more than what I had made doing anything else so far in my life, so who cares if I had to drive to Buffalo every other day from Rochester. I would do it in a heartbeat. When interview day came, my camera equipment had yet to arrive. I showed up anyway but the owner couldn’t make it. Something came up and I had to interview with her assistant instead, which did not go so well. I was so nervous the whole time and, to her credit, why would she feel comfortable with offering me the job when I had NEVER even done a single shoot of this sort? At the time I thought she was just ruling me out because I was a guy applying for the position until I asked her if I could have a tour of the place. To my surprise there was another client in the middle of her reveal appointment with her photographer, who was a guy! That helped me calm down and accept the fact that she wasn’t too keen to offer me the job, not because of my gender, but because of my experience.

I still thought I might have a shot at the job if I could only show them proof that I could do this. So I did what every broke marketer does, I got on Craigslist and formed a couple of “ads.” I was scared spit-less! Would ANY woman ever dare trust me to photograph her in such an intimate scenario? What the heck would I even do if some woman DID trust me to do the shoot? My face turned white as I hit “submit.” I even got in my car and literally cried out loud to God, asking for His forgiveness and mercy if I just went the wrong way. I begged Him to not let anyone see the ad or ever respond if I had made a mistake or if I just did this out of mere curiosity and lust. I also dared to continue my prayer. I asked God to let it be something that floods into my life if it is what I am supposed to be doing. In the ad I was extremely honest about who I was and what I needed from the subjects if they responded. I let them know I was a guy who is interviewing for a job and needed a couple of brave women so I could learn how to coach them in such a setting and that they could have the photos as a gift IF any of them even turned out half-way ok.

“ I asked God to let it be something that floods into my life if it is what I am supposed to be doing.”

All of my experience with photography so far had been with a point-and-shoot camera so when I took a photo with my new expensive camera I was shocked at the awful resulting image! I had no clue what ISO is! What did shutter speed have anything to do with this? AND what the F is an f stop?

I finally got my camera and I even found a studio to rent in downtown Rochester. I remember volunteering to be an event photographer for a fashion show and benefit at the time. I showed up with my camera, a borrowed flash I had never used before and learned how to use it on the fly AT THE EVENT. I was asked to set up a photo booth for the event, which I did. I set up the back drop, I had borrowed a strobe light and the person I borrowed it from told me it has a slave function on it and would go off every time I took a photo with my camera as long as the flash went off. I was ready! What he failed to tell me was that in “slave” mode the strobe would ALSO go off anytime anyone took a photo near me if THEIR flash went off! I was so embarrassed and felt such shame during the event as the flash hardly ever went off when I took an image, but went off at random times when people around me would take pictures with their point-and-shoot cameras! I remember asking another photographer, who was there also, if she would help me figure this out. After taking a quick glance she kindly let me know that I needed a trigger on my camera to communicate with a receiver on the strobe for them to function properly together. I did not have either of those things and neither did I know what she was talking about! However, I do remember her kindness in not letting me feel stupid. She made a massive impact on me that day and you can say that I was starstruck. Natalie is an amazing photographer and a mentor whom I look up to - to this day!

That was an awakening on just how BAD I was - or how bad I had to endure being to get to being good someday.

“All of my experience with photography so far had been with a point-and-shoot camera so when I took a photo with my new expensive camera I was shocked at the awful resulting image! ”

Circling back to the ad I had put out, I cried again when I got an overwhelming response of amazing and brave women who decided to give me the most priceless education I could ever hope or ask for by volunteering to be my subjects for the shoot! I quickly learned an amazing lesson about the art of boudoir photography during that time, which has paved the way for me thus far. There was no place for me to be a “guy” during these shoots. These women were not there for ME to see them that way. They were there so that they could see THEMSELVES that way, possibly for the first time ever! I had to quickly learn how to photograph them in such a way that would show them just how beautiful and sexy they truly are. I had to learn how to show them that being photogenic was not their responsibility, but mine, as their professional artist and photographer.

Referring back to my prayer to God that day, to let this flood into my life if it is what I am supposed to be doing, that is exactly what has happened so far. Boudoir came into my life as a flood. A thousand women have entrusted me with their boudoir photography experience so far and today I feel like I am on day 1 all over again as Nicki and I are recreating our entire business during this time of COVID-19. The difference: I know a little more about photography and photographing women than I did back then. Today my struggle is with actually building a prosperous business that not only meets the needs of my clients but also the needs of my family in an abundant way. Onto the next round of taking brave steps. . .

“I had to learn how to show them that being photogenic was not their responsibility, but mine, as their professional artist and photographer.”

Be Brave Enough to be Bad at Something New - Asif